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For a while now, my brain has been on overdrive. Most of the thoughts swirling around in my head, preventing me from sleeping and concentrating, have been stressful in nature. As anyone with anxiety can attest, it's not a pleasant feeling. However, amidst the anxious thoughts, there has been one recurring one that is not the least bit stressful. It is, however, something that's made me rather contemplative and I've been giving it a lot consideration.
Throughout my life, and most of yours I'm sure, the phrases "home is where the heart is," "home is where you lay your head," and "home is wherever I'm with you" have been flung around countless times. It was something that I hadn't given much thought to previously as I felt I always knew what "home" was to me: the comfy house, on the fantastic creek, in the little town where I was born and raised in upstate New York, just north of the Pennsylvania border.
When I first left that comfort zone and came out to Connecticut for college, I never expected that home would ever mean anything different to me. As far as I was concerned, "home is where the heart is" was true and my heart was still sitting right next to Sage Creek. I've been in New Haven the better part of 10 years now and, while I did fall in love with the city, it has never felt like home. I always refer to going to my parents' as "going home" for the weekend and returning to my apartment as "going back to CT." But last year, I discovered that home can be somewhere else and, surprisingly, it can even be somewhere I've never even lived.
As anyone familiar with the flag above or just anyone familiar with my love affair with the state may have guessed, Rhode Island is what feels like home to me. No matter where I go these days, there's a constant yearning to be in Rhode Island. I spent most of my weekends last summer in that tiny little state and spent the time I wasn't there wishing that I was. I spent a good number of days and nights exploring, adventuring, and enjoying myself, falling in love with everything RI had to offer and the people that called it home 365 (or 366!) days a year.
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| Waterfire in Providence; truly a sight to behold. |
I had previously associated the state with sadness as my first trip there was after a friend, a Rhode Island native, passed away. After that I had made just a few trips to Providence, for shows and shopping, but hadn't yet formed the relationship with it that I did last summer. The history and low-key bustle of Providence, the relaxed adventures along the shore in quaint areas such as Warren, Bristol, and Newport, the welcoming feeling I got from everyone I interacted with, the parks, fairs, festivals, the clam cakes...it all won me over and made me never want to leave.
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| A RI staple I have been craving like mad ever since warmer temperatures made their return. |
My adventures in Rhode Island were due in part to a long-distance relationship with someone who resided there. But even after that relationship dissolved, I still spent most of my days wishing I was there with the same frequency, although not necessarily for the same reasons I had wanted to spend every waking hour there before. I've been thinking incessantly lately about how I want to be in Rhode Island, for good. I don't just want to visit every few months when my schedule permits. I want to live in the place that feels more like home to me than anywhere else. I am working hard toward that goal and crossing my fingers that it all works out...and the sooner the better. I want to enjoy that tiny little place on a daily basis. I'm tired of always longing to be somewhere I'm not.
