This is the time of year where everyone starts to list the things they feel thankful for. But, shouldn't that be an on-going, year-long process? Kind of like appreciating our veterans and service men & women shouldn't be confined to Veteran's Day and our love shouldn't be confined to Valentines Day?
I feel we should truly give thanks each and every day, even for little things. Last night really got me thinking about it. As I went to hang some clothes in my closet, I realized I was sick and tired of struggling with the curtain that doubles as my closet door. I thought "I'll deal with it this weekend" and, to the best of my abilities, tried to shove the curtain to one side. The curtain and the rod caught wind of my intention to remove them and decided to conspire against me. The plastic cap on one end of the rod popped off and the rod launched up and out, and directly into the bridge of my nose. After a moment of cursing out the pain and wondering if my nose would be swollen, I headed into the bathroom to survey the damage in the mirror. Blood was streaked up my face and a crescent moon shaped laceration adorned the bridge of my nose. At first, I was irritated. Then, I took a deep breath and thanked my lucky stars.
It took a matter of seconds for me to realize, that had it landed a few inches to the left or the right, the rod could have done some serious damage to one of my eyes. I was still wearing my contacts at the time; there would have been no glasses in the way to protect them. That realization calmed me right down. Cursing the pain ceased, being thankful took over.
It also got me to thinking about past events. My brother was visiting Japan when they were devastated by the earthquake and subsequent tsunami. During that time, I learned a great deal about being thankful. I realized last night that, since that time, there have been a number of lapses in my thankfulness. Lapses where I chose to feel self pity and feel defeated. Lapses where I focused on the bad instead of the good. Today, I am starting fresh and focusing on everything I have to be thankful for. I implore you to do the same.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Silver Linings
This morning could best be described as bleak. Gloomy would be a close second. The air was thick and muggy, the sky overcast. It felt as if a barely visible, gray mass was pressing down on the city of New Haven. Normally, waking up to that would place a damper on my day and set an otherwise egregious tone.
As I squinted through my sunglasses, trying to balance the hazy glare with the darkness of the lenses, I saw the courtyard that sits between the Yale gymnasium and the dormitories that separated my car from my job. For the first time in months, it was completely empty. The grass was healthy and green. The clean, odd buildings were shooting up towards the sky where patches of blue were sporadically peeking out from behind gray clouds. As I walked further, my eyes took in the sight of an empty retro-style Miller Lite can that had been deserted; I giggled to myself and continued up the slate steps to find a multitude of planters overflowing with colorful flowers.
I stopped to capture a few photos with my phone and, suddenly, found my mind racing with positive thoughts. Despite the dreariness of the weather, it was a beautiful day. I was surrounded by incredible things and had so much to be greatful for. The courtyard view, the gorgeous flora, the hosta leaves holding perfectly spherical drops of water, were all treats to my eyes. I walked on, thinking about how I would normally use this weather to excuse a bad mood.
It's gloomy out; I can complain about my job, about having to move my car, about stereotypical Yalies crossing the street wherever they want, terrible drivers...everything, right?
Thanks to the short-term metered parking around my job, I was forced to relocate my vehicle during the early afternoon. As I began to make the trek back to my desk, I was overwhelmed by beauty in everything around me. Sure, the weather was less than spectacular, my sweater clung to my skin and my hair had begun to frizz from the humidity, but something felt electric.
As I squinted through my sunglasses, trying to balance the hazy glare with the darkness of the lenses, I saw the courtyard that sits between the Yale gymnasium and the dormitories that separated my car from my job. For the first time in months, it was completely empty. The grass was healthy and green. The clean, odd buildings were shooting up towards the sky where patches of blue were sporadically peeking out from behind gray clouds. As I walked further, my eyes took in the sight of an empty retro-style Miller Lite can that had been deserted; I giggled to myself and continued up the slate steps to find a multitude of planters overflowing with colorful flowers.I stopped to capture a few photos with my phone and, suddenly, found my mind racing with positive thoughts. Despite the dreariness of the weather, it was a beautiful day. I was surrounded by incredible things and had so much to be greatful for. The courtyard view, the gorgeous flora, the hosta leaves holding perfectly spherical drops of water, were all treats to my eyes. I walked on, thinking about how I would normally use this weather to excuse a bad mood.It's gloomy out; I can complain about my job, about having to move my car, about stereotypical Yalies crossing the street wherever they want, terrible drivers...everything, right?
But today, for some reason, was totally different. I thought about my best friends who just closed on their first home yesterday. The previous owner left it in total filth and disarray but, at the end of the day, they were the owners of a house. I might often feel underpaid or under-appreciated at work but, at the end of the day, I am employed and I can pay my bills. Rik Myall, who starred in a movie that has been my favorite since long before it was appropriate for me to watch (talking about "Drop Dead Fred," of course) passed away last night; I am still breathing...still walking...still processing my surroundings.
It takes so little effort to define the negatives around us. To point out something that is wrong, could be better, or is irritating. Taking the time to pinpoint the not-so-obvious good that is lurking everywhere involves conscious thought and observation, something we often forget to employ. I'm not sure what caused me to set forth that extra bit of effort today, but I am glad I did.
Friday, January 3, 2014
New Year, New Start
I absolutely cannot wait for the weekend to start. Not because I want to kick back and relax (after all, I do have work Saturday night) but so I can start my new year off with an organizational spree. My "office" area of my studio apartment has become a catchall for everything. Things to file, junk mail to shred, clean laundry waiting to be put away, piles of craft supplies and half finished projects, stuff waiting to be put back in storage or photographed for my webstore...like I said, everything.
Last night, fueled by sushi and the promise of a new start, I began my cleaning spree. Clothes were hung, suitcases from Christmas were unpacked, items of similar types were grouped together. Annnd, most motivating of all, I started making an organizer (thanks, Pinterest!) out of an old shoe box and toilet paper and paper towel rolls. I wrapped the box in some super cute wrapping paper I got at 70% off after the holiday (think paper bag stamped with a white Aztec print) and started installing the tubes. I still need to go through about 5 more rolls of toilet paper to complete it, but it sure got me inpsired! I am already picturing it holding markers and colored pencils and pens on my desk, not only making things simultaneously pretty and organized, but also putting them right at arms reach. Most of my craft supplies currently reside on an upper shelf in the lone closet in the apartment. I forget they're there or can find the oomph to pull out my stepladder and climb to get them. I have a feeling that having easier access will inspire me to do a lot more crafting and keep that space clean.
I've spent the last half an hour or so rummaging through the internet for more organizational options that have a display theme to them. Why organize cute craft supplies in a drawer out of sight when you have them out and admire their cuteness?! And, most importantly, be inspired by their presence? I can't wait to get going on some DIY projects and do a little purging of unnecessary items and whip my little, cozy abode into tip top shape! Photos of the finished product will be coming soon, I'm sure!
Last night, fueled by sushi and the promise of a new start, I began my cleaning spree. Clothes were hung, suitcases from Christmas were unpacked, items of similar types were grouped together. Annnd, most motivating of all, I started making an organizer (thanks, Pinterest!) out of an old shoe box and toilet paper and paper towel rolls. I wrapped the box in some super cute wrapping paper I got at 70% off after the holiday (think paper bag stamped with a white Aztec print) and started installing the tubes. I still need to go through about 5 more rolls of toilet paper to complete it, but it sure got me inpsired! I am already picturing it holding markers and colored pencils and pens on my desk, not only making things simultaneously pretty and organized, but also putting them right at arms reach. Most of my craft supplies currently reside on an upper shelf in the lone closet in the apartment. I forget they're there or can find the oomph to pull out my stepladder and climb to get them. I have a feeling that having easier access will inspire me to do a lot more crafting and keep that space clean.
I've spent the last half an hour or so rummaging through the internet for more organizational options that have a display theme to them. Why organize cute craft supplies in a drawer out of sight when you have them out and admire their cuteness?! And, most importantly, be inspired by their presence? I can't wait to get going on some DIY projects and do a little purging of unnecessary items and whip my little, cozy abode into tip top shape! Photos of the finished product will be coming soon, I'm sure!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Reflections
Last year's resolution to write more didn't really come to fruition. I think part of that had to do with the scattered mess I became as the year wore on. As the days on the calendar passed, I found myself more and more mentally and physically drained. I was wearing myself thin trying to cram as many things into my days as possible. Work, play, chores...and it overwhelmed me pretty rapidly.
No one should ever have to feel like social obligations are a problem. However, as a person who finds it difficult to turn down an invitation or to cancel plans, they definitely felt like a problem for me in 2013. I found my minimal bit of free time being spoken for by other people. After all, I couldn't say no to my friends, or their children, wanting to see me. I couldn't cancel plans when I wasn't feeling up to leaving my house. I couldn't say no or cancel even though I knew my bank account would be furious.
My need to put other people first, to make others happy, caught up to me. I found myself dreading invitations, never going to the gym, rarely working on my hobbies, and trying to compact all my errands and chores into a few hours on the weekend. Worst of all, I found myself regretting these plans after they had happened because thoughts of, "oh god, how many days until my paycheck goes in? When do my student loans come out?!" swirled around in my head.
My brain literally seemed to disappear from stretching myself so thin. I became incredibly forgetful. I double-booked myself. I forgot to call people back. I even started to avoid calling people back or reading their texts. I hated the way I felt, if and when I could even remember to take time to focus on what I was feeling.
I had a huge health scare over the summer. An abnormal pap smear led to additional tests which found an abundance of moderate to severe precancerous cells scattered about my cervix. More tests were scheduled for 4 months down the road and their results would determine whether or not I would have to have surgery to remove the cell dysplasia. My doctor had explained that, typically, if any severe dysplasia is observed they opt for surgery right away. But since I had never had children, and the surgery could potentially affect the ability to do so, he wanted to hold off. For someone who never really even wanted to have children, it was still a big deal. What if I changed my mind? What if the surgery made it impossible for me to even have any say in the matter?
I decided to take a few weeks to myself. To ponder and fret, to grow my bank account in case the worst happened, and to focus on myself. To focus on my passions and the things that had been neglected in the previous months. Worrying aside, those few weeks were glorious. I went on vacation with one of my best friends. I worked on crafts. I went thrifting. I cooked new foods. I worked on a website. And, then, I fell back into my same old habits.
I started overloading myself. My little bit of downtime was spent sleeping and wishing that I had spent more time doing so. I ached to have more free time again. I ached to do something productive, like get my tiny apartment in order, or break a sweat at the gym or go for a hike. Yet, I did nothing about it. So, this year, my days are going to be all about me. That sounds self-centered, yes, but I don't care.
Thankfully, the follow ups to my original tests showed that many of the cells, while still abnormal, were healing themselves to an extent. I'll have to go back every few months to make sure that is still the case, but it's like a huge weight has been lifted. However, it was a huge weight that I learned a a great deal from.
I learned that we often go out of our way to make other people happy and, as a result, often jeopardize our own happiness in the process. Don't get me wrong-- I love my friends. I love spending time with them and making memories. I love having their support in moments I really need it and being able offer the same to them. But, as I near the big 3-0, I realize that part of being a good friend to others is being a good friend to yourself. The time we spend together is more important, more valuable, when everyone involved is feeling their best, is fully focused on the present, not worrying and thinking about everything else that is totally unrelated to that moment.
This year, I intend to give myself and my friends the best me, even if that means taking time to myself. I will focus on my hobbies; I will go to the gym; I will turn down plans to make free time for these things and to save money; I will cancel plans if I don't feel well or something comes up. If I seem hermit like every now and again, just know that it's because I need it and both of us will reap the rewards.
No one should ever have to feel like social obligations are a problem. However, as a person who finds it difficult to turn down an invitation or to cancel plans, they definitely felt like a problem for me in 2013. I found my minimal bit of free time being spoken for by other people. After all, I couldn't say no to my friends, or their children, wanting to see me. I couldn't cancel plans when I wasn't feeling up to leaving my house. I couldn't say no or cancel even though I knew my bank account would be furious.
My need to put other people first, to make others happy, caught up to me. I found myself dreading invitations, never going to the gym, rarely working on my hobbies, and trying to compact all my errands and chores into a few hours on the weekend. Worst of all, I found myself regretting these plans after they had happened because thoughts of, "oh god, how many days until my paycheck goes in? When do my student loans come out?!" swirled around in my head.
My brain literally seemed to disappear from stretching myself so thin. I became incredibly forgetful. I double-booked myself. I forgot to call people back. I even started to avoid calling people back or reading their texts. I hated the way I felt, if and when I could even remember to take time to focus on what I was feeling.
I had a huge health scare over the summer. An abnormal pap smear led to additional tests which found an abundance of moderate to severe precancerous cells scattered about my cervix. More tests were scheduled for 4 months down the road and their results would determine whether or not I would have to have surgery to remove the cell dysplasia. My doctor had explained that, typically, if any severe dysplasia is observed they opt for surgery right away. But since I had never had children, and the surgery could potentially affect the ability to do so, he wanted to hold off. For someone who never really even wanted to have children, it was still a big deal. What if I changed my mind? What if the surgery made it impossible for me to even have any say in the matter?
I decided to take a few weeks to myself. To ponder and fret, to grow my bank account in case the worst happened, and to focus on myself. To focus on my passions and the things that had been neglected in the previous months. Worrying aside, those few weeks were glorious. I went on vacation with one of my best friends. I worked on crafts. I went thrifting. I cooked new foods. I worked on a website. And, then, I fell back into my same old habits.
I started overloading myself. My little bit of downtime was spent sleeping and wishing that I had spent more time doing so. I ached to have more free time again. I ached to do something productive, like get my tiny apartment in order, or break a sweat at the gym or go for a hike. Yet, I did nothing about it. So, this year, my days are going to be all about me. That sounds self-centered, yes, but I don't care.
Thankfully, the follow ups to my original tests showed that many of the cells, while still abnormal, were healing themselves to an extent. I'll have to go back every few months to make sure that is still the case, but it's like a huge weight has been lifted. However, it was a huge weight that I learned a a great deal from.
I learned that we often go out of our way to make other people happy and, as a result, often jeopardize our own happiness in the process. Don't get me wrong-- I love my friends. I love spending time with them and making memories. I love having their support in moments I really need it and being able offer the same to them. But, as I near the big 3-0, I realize that part of being a good friend to others is being a good friend to yourself. The time we spend together is more important, more valuable, when everyone involved is feeling their best, is fully focused on the present, not worrying and thinking about everything else that is totally unrelated to that moment.
This year, I intend to give myself and my friends the best me, even if that means taking time to myself. I will focus on my hobbies; I will go to the gym; I will turn down plans to make free time for these things and to save money; I will cancel plans if I don't feel well or something comes up. If I seem hermit like every now and again, just know that it's because I need it and both of us will reap the rewards.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)