Giving Thanks

This is the time of year where everyone starts to list the things they feel thankful for.  But, shouldn't that be an on-going, year-long process?  Kind of like appreciating our veterans and service men & women shouldn't be confined to Veteran's Day and our love shouldn't be confined to Valentines Day?

I feel we should truly give thanks each and every day, even for little things.  Last night really got me thinking about it.  As I went to hang some clothes in my closet, I realized I was sick and tired of struggling with the curtain that doubles as my closet door.  I thought "I'll deal with it this weekend" and, to the best of my abilities, tried to shove the curtain to one side.  The curtain and the rod caught wind of my intention to remove them and decided to conspire against me.  The plastic cap on one end of the rod popped off and the rod launched up and out, and directly into the bridge of my nose.  After a moment of cursing out the pain and wondering if my nose would be swollen, I headed into the bathroom to survey the damage in the mirror.  Blood was streaked up my face and a crescent moon shaped laceration adorned the bridge of my nose.  At first, I was irritated.  Then, I took a deep breath and thanked my lucky stars.

It took a matter of seconds for me to realize, that had it landed a few inches to the left or the right, the rod could have done some serious damage to one of my eyes.  I was still wearing my contacts at the time; there would have been no glasses in the way to protect them.  That realization calmed me right down.  Cursing the pain ceased, being thankful took over.

It also got me to thinking about past events.  My brother was visiting Japan when they were devastated by the earthquake and subsequent tsunami.  During that time, I learned a great deal about being thankful.  I realized last night that, since that time, there have been a number of lapses in my thankfulness.  Lapses where I chose to feel self pity and feel defeated.  Lapses where I focused on the bad instead of the good.  Today, I am starting fresh and focusing on everything I have to be thankful for.  I implore you to do the same.

Silver Linings

This morning could best be described as bleak.  Gloomy would be a close second.  The air was thick and muggy, the sky overcast.  It felt as if a barely visible, gray mass was pressing down on the city of New Haven.  Normally, waking up to that would place a damper on my day and set an otherwise egregious tone.

Thanks to the short-term metered parking around my job, I was forced to relocate my vehicle during the early afternoon.  As I began to make the trek back to my desk, I was overwhelmed by beauty in everything around me.  Sure, the weather was less than spectacular, my sweater clung to my skin and my hair had begun to frizz from the humidity, but something felt electric.  

As I squinted through my sunglasses, trying to balance the hazy glare with the darkness of the lenses, I saw the courtyard that sits between the Yale gymnasium and the dormitories that separated my car from my job.  For the first time in months, it was completely empty.  The grass was healthy and green.  The clean, odd buildings were shooting up towards the sky where patches of blue were sporadically peeking out from behind gray clouds.  As I walked further, my eyes took in the sight of an empty retro-style Miller Lite can that had been deserted; I giggled to myself and continued up the slate steps to find a multitude of planters overflowing with colorful flowers.

I stopped to capture a few photos with my phone and, suddenly, found my mind racing with positive thoughts.  Despite the dreariness of the weather, it was a beautiful day.  I was surrounded by incredible things and had so much to be greatful for.  The courtyard view, the gorgeous flora, the hosta leaves holding perfectly spherical drops of water, were all treats to my eyes.  I walked on, thinking about how I would normally use this weather to excuse a bad mood.

It's gloomy out; I can complain about my job, about having to move my car, about stereotypical Yalies crossing the street wherever they want, terrible drivers...everything, right?

But today, for some reason, was totally different.  I thought about my best friends who just closed on their first home yesterday.  The previous owner left it in total filth and disarray but, at the end of the day, they were the owners of a house.  I might often feel underpaid or under-appreciated at work but, at the end of the day, I am employed and I can pay my bills.  Rik Myall, who starred in a movie that has been my favorite since long before it was appropriate for me to watch (talking about "Drop Dead Fred," of course) passed away last night; I am still breathing...still walking...still processing my surroundings.

It takes so little effort to define the negatives around us.  To point out something that is wrong, could be better, or is irritating.  Taking the time to pinpoint the not-so-obvious good that is lurking everywhere involves conscious thought and observation, something we often forget to employ.  I'm not sure what caused me to set forth that extra bit of effort today, but I am glad I did.  

  

 

 

New Year, New Start

I absolutely cannot wait for the weekend to start.  Not because I want to kick back and relax (after all, I do have work Saturday night) but so I can start my new year off with an organizational spree.  My "office" area of my studio apartment has become a catchall for everything.  Things to file, junk mail to shred, clean laundry waiting to be put away, piles of craft supplies and half finished projects, stuff waiting to be put back in storage or photographed for my webstore...like I said, everything.

Last night, fueled by sushi and the promise of a new start, I began my cleaning spree.  Clothes were hung, suitcases from Christmas were unpacked, items of similar types were grouped together.  Annnd, most motivating of all, I started making an organizer (thanks, Pinterest!) out of an old shoe box and toilet paper and paper towel rolls.  I wrapped the box in some super cute wrapping paper I got at 70% off after the holiday (think paper bag stamped with a white Aztec print) and started installing the tubes.  I still need to go through about 5 more rolls of toilet paper to complete it, but it sure got me inpsired!  I am already picturing it holding markers and colored pencils and pens on my desk, not only making things simultaneously pretty and organized, but also putting them right at arms reach.  Most of my craft supplies currently reside on an upper shelf in the lone closet in the apartment.  I forget they're there or can find the oomph to pull out my stepladder and climb to get them.  I have a feeling that having easier access will inspire me to do a lot more crafting and keep that space clean.

I've spent the last half an hour or so rummaging through the internet for more organizational options that have a display theme to them.  Why organize cute craft supplies in a drawer out of sight when you have them out and admire their cuteness?!  And, most importantly, be inspired by their presence?  I can't wait to get going on some DIY projects and do a little purging of unnecessary items and whip my little, cozy abode into tip top shape!  Photos of the finished product will be coming soon, I'm sure!

Reflections

Last year's resolution to write more didn't really come to fruition.  I think part of that had to do with the scattered mess I became as the year wore on.  As the days on the calendar passed, I found myself more and more mentally and physically drained.  I was wearing myself thin trying to cram as many things into my days as possible.  Work, play, chores...and it overwhelmed me pretty rapidly.

No one should ever have to feel like social obligations are a problem.  However, as a person who finds it difficult to turn down an invitation or to cancel plans, they definitely felt like a problem for me in 2013.  I found my minimal bit of free time being spoken for by other people.  After all, I couldn't say no to my friends, or their children, wanting to see me.  I couldn't cancel plans when I wasn't feeling up to leaving my house.  I couldn't say no or cancel even though I knew my bank account would be furious.

My need to put other people first, to make others happy, caught up to me.  I found myself dreading invitations, never going to the gym, rarely working on my hobbies, and trying to compact all my errands and chores into a few hours on the weekend.  Worst of all, I found myself regretting these plans after they had happened because thoughts of, "oh god, how many days until my paycheck goes in?  When do my student loans come out?!" swirled around in my head.

My brain literally seemed to disappear from stretching myself so thin.  I became incredibly forgetful.  I double-booked myself.  I forgot to call people back.  I even started to avoid calling people back or reading their texts.  I hated the way I felt, if and when I could even remember to take time to focus on what I was feeling.

I had a huge health scare over the summer.  An abnormal pap smear led to additional tests which found an abundance of moderate to severe precancerous cells scattered about my cervix.  More tests were scheduled for 4 months down the road and their results would determine whether or not I would have to have surgery to remove the cell dysplasia.  My doctor had explained that, typically, if any severe dysplasia is observed they opt for surgery right away.  But since I had never had children, and the surgery could potentially affect the ability to do so, he wanted to hold off.  For someone who never really even wanted to have children, it was still a big deal.  What if I changed my mind?  What if the surgery made it impossible for me to even have any say in the matter?

I decided to take a few weeks to myself.  To ponder and fret, to grow my bank account in case the worst happened, and to focus on myself.  To focus on my passions and the things that had been neglected in the previous months.  Worrying aside, those few weeks were glorious.  I went on vacation with one of my best friends.  I worked on crafts.  I went thrifting.  I cooked new foods.  I worked on a website.  And, then, I fell back into my same old habits.

I started overloading myself.  My little bit of downtime was spent sleeping and wishing that I had spent more time doing so.  I ached to have more free time again.  I ached to do something productive, like get my tiny apartment in order, or break a sweat at the gym or go for a hike.  Yet, I did nothing about it.  So, this year, my days are going to be all about me.  That sounds self-centered, yes, but I don't care.

Thankfully, the follow ups to my original tests showed that many of the cells, while still abnormal, were healing themselves to an extent.  I'll have to go back every few months to make sure that is still the case, but it's like a huge weight has been lifted.  However, it was a huge weight that I learned a a great deal from.

I learned that we often go out of our way to make other people happy and, as a result, often jeopardize our own happiness in the process.  Don't get me wrong-- I love my friends.  I love spending time with them and making memories.  I love having their support in moments I really need it and being able offer the same to them.  But, as I near the big 3-0, I realize that part of being a good friend to others is being a good friend to yourself.  The time we spend together is more important, more valuable, when everyone involved is feeling their best, is fully focused on the present, not worrying and thinking about everything else that is totally unrelated to that moment.

This year, I intend to give myself and my friends the best me, even if that means taking time to myself.  I will focus on my hobbies; I will go to the gym; I will turn down plans to make free time for these things and to save money; I will cancel plans if I don't feel well or something comes up.  If I seem hermit like every now and again, just know that it's because I need it and both of us will reap the rewards.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

For a while now, my brain has been on overdrive.  Most of the thoughts swirling around in my head, preventing me from sleeping and concentrating, have been stressful in nature.  As anyone with anxiety can attest, it's not a pleasant feeling.  However, amidst the anxious thoughts, there has been one recurring one that is not the least bit stressful.  It is, however, something that's made me rather contemplative and I've been giving it a lot consideration.

Throughout my life, and most of yours I'm sure, the phrases "home is where the heart is," "home is where you lay your head," and "home is wherever I'm with you" have been flung around countless times.  It was something that I hadn't given much thought to previously as I felt I always knew what "home" was to me: the comfy house, on the fantastic creek, in the little town where I was born and raised in upstate New York, just north of the Pennsylvania border.

When I first left that comfort zone and came out to Connecticut for college, I never expected that home would ever mean anything different to me.  As far as I was concerned, "home is where the heart is" was true and my heart was still sitting right next to Sage Creek.  I've been in New Haven the better part of 10 years now and, while I did fall in love with the city, it has never felt like home.  I always refer to going to my parents' as "going home" for the weekend and returning to my apartment as "going back to CT."  But last year, I discovered that home can be somewhere else and, surprisingly, it can even be somewhere I've never even lived.

As anyone familiar with the flag above or just anyone familiar with my love affair with the state may have guessed, Rhode Island is what feels like home to me.  No matter where I go these days, there's a constant yearning to be in Rhode Island.  I spent most of my weekends last summer in that tiny little state and spent the time I wasn't there wishing that I was.  I spent a good number of days and nights exploring, adventuring, and enjoying myself, falling in love with everything RI had to offer and the people that called it home 365 (or 366!) days a year.

Waterfire in Providence; truly a sight to behold.

I had previously associated the state with sadness as my first trip there was after a friend, a Rhode Island native, passed away.  After that I had made just a few trips to Providence, for shows and shopping, but hadn't yet formed the relationship with it that I did last summer.  The history and low-key bustle of Providence, the relaxed adventures along the shore in quaint areas such as Warren, Bristol, and Newport, the welcoming feeling I got from everyone I interacted with, the parks, fairs, festivals, the clam cakes...it all won me over and made me never want to leave.

A RI staple I have been craving like mad ever since warmer temperatures made their return.

My adventures in Rhode Island were due in part to a long-distance relationship with someone who resided there.  But even after that relationship dissolved, I still spent most of my days wishing I was there with the same frequency, although not necessarily for the same reasons I had wanted to spend every waking hour there before.  I've been thinking incessantly lately about how I want to be in Rhode Island, for good.  I don't just want to visit every few months when my schedule permits.  I want to live in the place that feels more like home to me than anywhere else.  I am working hard toward that goal and crossing my fingers that it all works out...and the sooner the better.  I want to enjoy that tiny little place on a daily basis.  I'm tired of always longing to be somewhere I'm not.

The Summer of "Staycation"

After realizing I was going to be on a tight budget this summer, I was a bit bummed out (to put it mildly).  No festivals, no big trips, no drinking on the patios at my favorite bars.  But after a lot of thought, I realized I didn't have to make grandiose, expensive plans to enjoy the glorious weather that lie ahead.  With everyone at work taking their vacation time in July and August, there wasn't much of a chance of me doing the same anyway.  But that's okay...I've got a free vacation to Las Vegas coming at the end of October, so, I don't mind saving my vacation days until then!  In the meantime, however, I will be taking my fair share of "staycations" in Connecticut and the surrounding states.

Connecticut has so much to offer in the way of parks, museums, historical sites...and the best part is that most of it costs $0 to enjoy!  I sat down and made a list of all the free - insanely cheap things I could do throughout the course of the next few months.  When I finished, I was hit with an overwhelming sense of relief; my summer could still be incredible.  In addition to fireworks displays and BBQs with friends (which I've been taking full advantage of!), there are so many ways I can enjoy the season without depleting my bank account.

Sunday Fun-day at Bearerhawk!

West Haven fireworks!

I'm happy to say that my plans for an inexpensive, yet awesome, summer have kicked into high gear.  I wasn't feeling so hot at the beginning of the weekend and wanted to just lay in front of a fan all day, but I'm so glad I eventually dragged myself off the couch and got started on my fun "to do" list.

This past weekend, the New London/Groton area was abuzz with activity and a whole lot of sails and ships!  Both Sailfest and OpSail were in full effect on the Thames River.  I had every intention of going up Saturday, taking advantage of the festivities and stuffing my face with seafood at Fred's Shanty.  However, my immune system got the better of me and I ended up going on Sunday, with a pretty late start to boot, but that may have actually worked out to my advantage.  I headed to Fort Trumbull in New London and, instead of waiting in ridiculously long lines on the dock, I was able to breeze through the bag check and make my way out to the remaining tall ships.  The replica of the Amistad was there, along with a few small ships and tugboats, as well as the U.S.C.G.C. Eagle and a Brazilian ship, the Cisne Branco.  The latter two ships were amazing tall ships, masts and rigging going way up toward the sky.

The conveniently empty dock.

Foreground: Cisne Branco.  The U.S.C.G.C. Eagle is located on the far side of the dock.

 The U.S.C.G.C. Eagle is a barque ship, which means it is comprised of 3 or more masts.  In her case, it's three.  Three glorious masts holding up a number of sails.  Built in Germany in 1936, she was originally commissioned as a German training ship, the Horst Wessel.  After World War II she was acquired as a war reparation by the United States and recommissioned as a Coast Guard Cutter.  She found a new home in New London, which has served as her home base and a training location for countless Coast Guard cadets.  I had the opportunity to wander around her decks and it was a sight to behold.

Figurehead on the U.S.C.G.C. Eagle

Heading up to the upper deck on the stern of the ship.

Rigging as far as the eye can see!

I was pretty much in heaven.  Unfortunately, by the time I exited the Eagle, the Cisne Branco had roped off its entrance and I was unable to board.  But I was still able to enjoy the view from the dock!

 

Fort Trumbull, where these lovely ships were docked, is a place I plan to explore again this summer.  The few times that I've been here were always during off season or off-hours, so I never got to see as much of it and learn as much about it as I would like.  However, even just for walking around, it's a great place.  I snapped a bunch of photos but I feel like I shouldn't go overboard (no pun intended!) in this post and save Fort Trumbull shots for a more informative post somewhere down the road.  But, just to give you a taste...

Thunder & Angels

So, Christopher Mansfield claimed that he wasn't going to post to Fences' facebook anymore and that their manager would just be posting pertinent information from here on out.  I think he lied.  But I'm pleased that he did, despite the tears that just welled up in my eyes.

My grandmother always used to say that thunder was the angels bowling.  It's a phrase I hadn't thought of in quite some time.  Seeing this post just brought so many memories flooding back, both good and bad.  I don't believe in God but I do like to believe that there is some sort of afterlife where our souls carry on long after our bodies quit.  I know that, wherever she is, my grandmother is still watching over me.  And I know she and Grandpa, who were both avid bowlers back in the day, are probably part of the ruckus taking place in the sky today.